Old Money Honeys vs. Mob Squad Recap
On August 13th, the Old Money Honeys played their first game of the home season against the Mob Squad, who competed against the Sakonnet River Rats last month. The sweltering August heat matched the fiery and determined dispositions of both teams as they ran through warm-ups before the bout began. This matchup debuted four new Honeys: Artoo Detoonate, Intern L. Damage, Pandora’s Squeezebox, and Susie Homewrecker. Providence Roller Derby alums Raggedy Anneurisym and Mortician Addams comprised the Honeys’ bench staff.
The first half was characterized by several lead switches, with both teams gaining points to temporarily pull ahead, only to be surpassed by their opponents one or two jams later. The score was just 9 (Mob) to 10 (Honeys) at the beginning of the 7th jam when Goldie Glocks completed the first successful multiple-pass jam of the bout, earning 16 points to secure a modest lead for the Mob. A few more 5 to 10 point jams played out by both teams, concluding the first half with a score of 65 (Mob) to 54 (Honeys).
While both teams attempted to cool off during halftime, the audience was entertained with a fun halftime zumba show performed by Mind and Body Studios (West Warwick, RI).
The Mob Squad increased their lead at the beginning of the second half, with help from 14-point jams by Dread Velvet and Goldie Glocks, though this lead was lessened soon after thanks to a strong 13-point jam by the Honeys’ Artoo. Solid defense by Honey’s blockers, notably Cindy Lou Screw and Malady D’Amour, prevented the Mob from scoring any points over the course of 5 jams. During that time, the Honeys collected 25 points, separating them by just 5 points from the Mob, who still held the lead.
Two timeouts were called during the last 3 minutes of the bout, increasing the suspense. With just 40 seconds left on the game clock, and the score at 141 (Mob) to 139 (Honeys), Varla Gunz of the Mob Squad took her place behind the jammer line besides Artoo for what would likely be the final jam of the game. Gunz broke free from the pack and secured lead jammer status, scoring 3 points moments before calling off the jam as soon as the bout clock expired.
Final score: Mob Squad: 144; Old Money Honeys: 139
At the conclusion of the bout, two members from each team were given MVP awards: the Honeys MVP Jammer was Nutritional Beast, and their MVP Blocker was Cindy Lou Screw. The Mob’s MVP Jammer was Goldie Glocks, and their MVP Blocker was announced as Boones Harm, which surprised teammates and fans alike, because she had only jammed (and not blocked) during this bout. Unbeknownst to her or most in attendance, this was simply a ploy to bring her to the center of the track for a surprise marriage proposal! Sun Scream was actually voted as Mob MVP Blocker.
Thank you to Jason Pietroski Photography for the photos.